building than those of last semester, el edificio de negocios (business building). The walk to class is slightly longer, and I climb an extra flight of stairs, leaving me a little winded when I arrive to class, but none of this drawbacks could outweigh the benefit of immeasurably better bathrooms. They are cleaner, have larger stalls (Hudini would have had trouble relieving himself in the stalls of the previous building), are void of puddles of water that force me to hold my pants around my knees to keep them from getting wet, and even have a higher quality brand of toilet paper. So I left the bathroom in an unavoidably dandy mood and climbed back up the stairs to my classroom where I ran into Korey. Korey related to me a story that I didn't expect. Not at all. She said: "So...Richard just told me he got kicked out of class."Yass. Kicked out of class. In the files that Korey, Richard, and I store in our heads, Richard's
grammar professor, Gloria, has a hefty rapsheet after only one week of classes. Gloria is Mexican, but easily achieves a higher mark on the Stu-Chipman Scale of un-Mexicanity than did the previous pack leader, Maggie (Korey's ex-host mother.) She is a funny shape, about 6' 1'', 105 lbs, with elbows and knees that look like garden stakes, a chin that looks like a spade, and cheekbones that look like a normal chin. Her hair is almost jet-black, and her eyes have a slightly Asian quality to them, which could be due to the incredible amount of time she spends with the Asian students studying at UAG. This process is described in a song by the Vapors' 1980 smash hit, "I think I'm turning Japanse." Japanese definitely qualifies as un-Mexican. For whatever reason, presumably the described transformation, Gloria has a poor understanding of all things fun, funny, or fun-related. She is unhumanly rational in a way that would make Fredrick Winslow Taylor nod with approval (but only for a second before he moved on to evaluate the efficiency of something else). Last Friday, when Richard stopped into class on our way to the doctor's office to tell Gloria that we would all be missing class on account of violent, abnormal discharge from both sides of our digestive system, Gloria was skeptical, and told Richard to return to class after he saw the doctor. Of course he did not, as we were diagnosed with gastriticiticisus or something like that, and none of we three could go more than 25 minutes without a visit to the bano (bathroom). Gloria then proceeded to lack any sort of helpful or compassionate character trait while Richard was trying to catch up in the classes he missed, collecting his assigments (completed with no direction), and grading them without giving him a chance to revise them and without returning them with an explanation of what he misunderstood or any correcting guidance. One can also deduce, by the vigor with which she persues social relations with the Asian students, that she has not other friends. On a final note, she has put on her daily quizzes to the class such questions as "If you were in love with your professor, would you tell her?" So that's Gloria.Here are the events of the day: Richard was in his grammar class, and for whatever reason, there was a group of Asian students and Gloria laughing about something that meritted no laughter, certainly not the level of laughter which they were offering, and Richard took it upon himself to say, "Esta tonta." Of course, Richard meant this in the sense of "You're silly," "You're crazy," or "You're stupid (right now)." Gloria did not think this was funny or acceptable, nor did she take into account that Richard is well gringo and doesn't have a masterful understanding of the implications of all the words in the Spanish language. Her silly, un-called for expression turned to ice-cold, puppy-skinning resentment, she pointed at the door, and said "Afuera(out)." Richard tried to plead, apologize, and explain his error, but she simply repeated to say "afuera." So Richard left the classroom. He went and explained the situation to the director of the program, who took Richard back to class and negotiated conditions under which Richard could return to his learning position. Richard had to apologize to the entire class along with Gloria.
I think this unfortunate lack of social understanding on the part of the professor is, well, unfortunate. But when misfortune's worst injuries are Richard getting tossed out of class, I think it's hilarious.
Until next time, be safe, check the batteries in your smoke detectors, and enjoy summer.
Stu
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